Gas Guzzling Greens

Why am I against the greens? A good question that I am sure most of us, or at least the intelligent ones amongst us, have asked ourselves many times. I have to say that if this green thing really was that important we would be up to our necks in laws and legislation by now. The experts don't seem to have a hymn sheet between them let alone all be singing from it. One day we are told by these experts that we have a hole in the ozone layer big enough to push Mrs Rooney through, but not quiet big enough to get Lady Gaga's ego through, the next day its patch up and best of all it did it itself. We have a so called green shop in the village, I staggered past it the other night having just left the opening of a splendid new bar next door. It was obviously dark and in the green shop window was a fetching display of solar panels and solar lighting, all lit by electricity pouring from the national grid. There is even a green fair being held on the local school playing field this weekend. They had one of these about this time last year, I guess its an opportunity to buy some great green presents for the love ones for Christmas. The thing here is last year there was a guy selling organic food at the fair that he proudly told everyone he grew himself and looking at him was probably fertilised personally by him as well. He bought his goods to the market in an old bashed up Land Rover, very right on I hear you chant, but this bugger had a massive American V8 fitted into it, how bloody green is that. Thinking back to this veggie lover, is it me or are all greens just hippies with eating disorders and squinty eyes caused by trying to read by solar lighting.

Having previously mentions laws and regulations; we must not skip over the various UK councils who have bravely introduced recycling. What a mess, houses now have 8 to 10 different bins to put different types of rubbish in and you can bet your bottom dollar that the one you use the most is the smallest and the one you could do without is the size of Mrs Rooney's wardrobe. Then there are the new self styled Hitlers, power has eventually been given to the dustbin men and frankly they don't know what to do with it. So they use it stupidly, without thinking things through, without discretion. For example if you do not put your bin fully on the pavement they will not empty it. The operative word here being fully, if 90% of its on the pavement and 10% on your drive your snookered, you will be left with a pile of rubbish until the next time its that bins turn to be emptied. Did I mention that these bins get emptied on different days, its complicated enough to warrant most premiership footballers to have to employ someone to work it out for them? Then if you should dare to put something into a bin that shouldn't be there you will be lucky not to end up with a fine. Look if councils really want to be serious about going green and recycling, for gods sake make it easy, get your customer base onside with you.

The bottom line is I have found the definitive reason to hate greens, if we listened to them the world would have a nice shiny ozone layer, there would be no more global warming, the earths core would EndFragmentStartFragment

maintain a steady temperature, sea levels would stay well level, where they are now. But having just watched the film 2012 that is not what I want. You see the film showed what happened when the earth’s core heated up and the solid bits we know as countries started to move around the place and the sea took over most of everything. Human kind almost disappeared and the cream of the human race along with the governments of the world, escaped death aboard massive ships made in a dam in China. Good to see that China did end up making everything. Anyway the film ends with all the ships setting sail for Cape Town, as it seems that in all the up evil that comes with the end of the world, Africa actually rose out of the sea by 30 meters. Which is good news if like me you live in Cape Town and as 2012 is not far away I am off now to paint our self contained flat, as there are going to be a hell of a lot of people looking for rented accommodation around here in 18 months time. So when it comes to green and recycling think once, then think it through again and again and again.EndFragment